write off

Some years ago I used to say, "I don't know what I want, but I know this isn't it.”

I search -- to know what I want. Because, if I don't know what I want, I have no chance of getting it.

The web of duality weaves through my search into my deepest desires. In and out, up and down, thoughts snarl into a tangled mess and my search within becomes an ordeal of frustration. My consciousness finds it a hard task to realize Cosmic Consciousness.

It's day sixteen of nabhi kriya. All physical responses have come to pass and I'm feeling top form...almost. Now my concentration is being challenged. Usually, my pen flows with words. Two days ago, I found my pen is stuck. Writers block? No. Monkey mind? Oh yea.

In a moment of great resolve, I remembered a processing technique that I learned from a lecture I attended in Santa Fe about four years ago. The woman giving the lecture, Leslie Temple-Thurston, developed this technique from her own self realization.



I used it for several months after learning it, and found it to be effective in many ways. The technique, called "Squares" involves writing lists of polarities and then delving into of each word using in a four-level exploration technique:

For example: Desire of control and Fear of control -- and Desire of no control and Fear of no control.

With each square, you explore, with one word or short phrase, the "Desire" or "Fear".

Determined to curb my rowdy mind, I set the technique in motion for my daily journal writing. I won't go into explanation of her technique because I feel that she describes it best. I spent a few hours making a list of polarities and then taking the most "charged" words, I plunged pen first to bring light to my egoic exchanges.

I met Leslie Temple-Thurston a few times and she is very dedicated and genuine being. Her book "The Marriage of Spirit" describes the Squares and other interesting processing techniques as well. You can read more about her at The Marriage of Spirit -- Enlightened Living in Today's World.

++ Day 15 of nabhi kriya. "Keep up and You will be Kept Up" (Yogi Bhajan) ++